You know what would be tres cool? if when the monsters come, instead of running for our lives like a bunch of little bitches we turn and stand our ground. And we find that no matter how growley and fangy the monsters are we'r their betters. 2 days ago at work, i was forced to page the monster doctor. i honestly didn't do anything wrong, my only wrong is to call him. but no matter which way i go, he'll just flip and blame it on me. so, after i saw him leaving the nursing station, i looked for the chart and checked for new orders. i was being careful+++ for i can't afford to make any mistakes in front of him. well, here i saw some new blood work orders written half way through uncompleted with no signatures what so ever. obviously it was his orders, but who on earth would know if you'r not stalking him like me? i consult a couple people to try to come up with an answer in which i don't have to call him or speak to him, but that's not the case. i prayed to the lord, double checked triple checked the orders and history, flipped throught the patient's chart until i was totally aware of the story behind it and waited for his return call. hello doctor, this is Cherry from 4N regarding patient xxx. i noticed you gave a new blood work order earlier but wondering if you are finished with it because you did not sign it off... oh, that is nothing to worry about. i apologize for that, i must got distracted by something in which i did not finished by signing it off. (thank god, i thought this was it... but the lecture went on for about 10 minutes on the phone) this is nothing major, i mean the whole hospital know my handwriting. and if you refer back to the orders/history i previously wrote, they are the same writing as this! the pharmacy, the lab techs shouldn't have any problem reconizing my handwritting. i also understanding you must know that is me because you called me. if you are still concern about this you can talk to your team leader or bring it forward to xxx nursing cousil blah blah blah. oh, i was just trying to remind you to sign it off because i cannot process any orders without your signature! if you'r busy perhaps i can take this as a verbal/telephone order? well, no. because that would be a duplication as i already hand written the order and now you take it again as a verbal order? have you talked to your team leader? who is your team leader today? and oh, is your name cherry again? i will come sign it off later, don't worry about it and just go ahead to process it. the conversation continues by repeating the whole thing 3 times
fuck you, why are you making things tres complicated? i'm only a small potato doing my job, and you totally wasted my time by giving me this bullshit through the phone for 5 whole minutes! breathing into a brown bag is all i care now. screw it, i'm blaming it on you!! my emotion fluctuates easily lately.. or i should say within these years. crying at any moment is like turning on the tap, only if i want to show it or not. therefore watching movies at home alone is a very good reliever. life is simple. i play, i get drunk, i travel i shop and i see my friends whenever i want to and still get to save up a bit. relationship is confusing as it started off confusing. perhaps i just do not deserve anything at this point for i am not prepared. it's really irritating when you start to get yourself confused and then worries begin. i'm having nightmares for one straight week already and they'r still haunting me. i'm drowning in this ocean of confusion with no life boats around me. one day i talk to a friend and whined i'm just an unlucky girl. he encouraged me and said something i will never forget: luck only comes to those who are prepared. thanks buddy, this really gave me a pat in the back. Many times i look back in hindsight and think of how i should have handled a situation. Is it better to have known joy and lost it, or never to have known joy at all? At the time, i wasn't sure of the answer. I am now. i wish i had never met my ex. i wish i had never went to parties. i wish i had stuck to my original decision and never gone to see someone. i wish i had never hurt anyone. i wish i had said out loud that i was falling for you. i wish i had never relocate. or i wish i would relocate again so i wouldn't have to see everyone leaving me. i wish i had never got into nursing career. The fact is, you'll never miss something you never had. but if you had it and then lose it, you'll miss it forever. and the loss is like a hole in your gut you'll never fill. yeah, i'm greedy. i would love to relive a lot of what i've done in my life. i wish i could. to fill up this emptiness, spending money is a way to go.. haha. who cares if this is an excuse, i'm blaming on it for god's sake. 3 new best friends and misc: burton feelgood snowboard+binding with discount 600 hp laptop 700 wireless/wifi/router of some sort 50 comedy show x2 and beckham football game x2 (damn, it's postpone) 270 plane ticket x2 to boston next month 700 car insurance 2000 fine food + wine (includes crazily shopping at liquor store 280) and credit card payment for this month 1500 seattle next week for 2 days with andrea (this sure will jack up my expense) now i feel good. if i could have the 1991 nissan figaro as my new toy. i would feel even better!! | 
